My hand turned me down
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
