You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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