I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
