I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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