i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
