is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
