Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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