Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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