can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
