I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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