the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
