uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
