my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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