my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
