Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
