Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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