this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
