Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
