I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize