i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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