Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize