I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
