The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
