i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found your dick twin last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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