Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
