Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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