Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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