I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
