no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
