i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
