He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
