the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
