i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
