She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize