Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
