There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
