Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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