You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you had me at cake vodka
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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