Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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