:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
