You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
