Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize