I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
