he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My life is pants optional.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
