Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
