so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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