Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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