What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
