I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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