Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize