I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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