i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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