I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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