How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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