You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
