you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
