i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
