I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
