he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
