you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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