Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
