The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i now understand why vodka
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
