somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need water and some morals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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