The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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