YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize