it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
