another moral hangover. fuck.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
