She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think your dad took our porno
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
