he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
