We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
