I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
