are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
