It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Enjoy the penises
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
