Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
