Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
