Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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