She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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