I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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