That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
