Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
