Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
