Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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