Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
where are my eyebrows?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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