I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
