someone threw a dead crab at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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