His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
