Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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