come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
