WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize