Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
