Your face is a jimmy john
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
