I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
