All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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