return my video game
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
